Must get going on that Thanksgiving thing. First order of business is to secure a turkey. Every turkey dealer has a different deadline and you don't want to miss the gravy boat.

We like Ottomanelli, the 100-year-old family-owned shop. It's a pleasure to deal with people who take their customers to heart. Their full Thanksgiving menu is not on their website but they only sell Blue Ribbon Turkeys from a farm in Lancaster, PA and will also deliver stuffing, cranberry sauce, and gravy. They'll guarantee a two-hour window of delivery on the Tues. before the holiday but orders must be placed by 11/15.

Although Whole Foods offers an entire prepared food menu, what we like is their "turkey in a pan." It's a fully-seasoned, herb-rubbed turkey in a disposable foil pan. For those of us who don't like to touch raw, dead birds yet still like to cook raw, dead birds this provides the ideal solution. You just stick the thing in the oven and cook it. Please don't forget to remove the plastic wrap. They don't deliver (which really stinks) but if you spend more than $75 at the Chelsea location you get free parking. Place your order by noon on 11/20.

While Fresh Direct might seem kind of generic, we're particularly attracted to the Butterflied Turkey that cooks in less than two hours. And while we're not inclined to order their fully-cooked turkey, they do have a veritable "Chinese menu" of side dishes (you know, choose one from Column A, two from column B) as well as tons of recipes and menu suggestions, organic turkeys, and even frozen turducken to boot.

Since most of us don't have access to a huge vat of boiling oil, Jive Turkey in Brooklyn specializes in deep-fried turkeys. Sound scary? We've heard they're outrageous: seasoned and marinated overnight and then quickly deep fried until crispy. There are 15 flavors to choose from (pecan, Cajun, roasted garlic, etc) along with a host of side dishes. They'll deliver in Manhattan and Brooklyn and will ship the turkeys anywhere in the country.

Turkey FAQ

How big should I go? Depends on your family. If you don't want leftovers, the general rule of thumb is 3/4-1 lb per person. If your husband insists on turkey sandwiches while watching football all weekend, go for 1-1/2 pounds per person. If your family is Jewish or Italian, we recommend 2 lbs+ per person.

The popper didn't pop. Is it ready yet? Beyond jiggling the drumstick, try a digital meat thermometer. The temperature should be 180 degrees deep in the thigh and the juices should run clear.

How do I dissect the turkey? No, Dad, you do NOT need an electric knife. Just be sure your carving knife is sharp and follow the simple directions on Butterball's website. They even have a handy-dandy carving video.

What do I do with all the leftovers? Glad you asked!

Turkey Shepherd's Pie (trust us, it's sick).

About 1 pound leftover turkey, shredded

A few handfuls of leftover veggies (carrots, mushrooms, green beans, peas...anything but Brussels sprouts)

A cup or so of cranberry sauce

Half a cup of gravy

Lots of mashed potatoes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter the bottom and sides of a 9 x 13" casserole or Pyrex dish. Mound stuffing on bottom; layer with cranberry sauce, turkey, and veggies. Drizzle with gravy; heap potatoes over the top to sides of dish. Place on a baking sheet, and bake until heated through and potatoes are golden, 35 to 40 minutes. Let cool slightly.

One final tip to ensure a successful Thanksgiving. To avoid family confrontations, be sure to greet everyone at the door with a special Thanksgiving cocktail. We're going with Cranberry Mojitos this year. In fact, we're giving them a trial run right now. Can someone please meet the kids at the school bus?

---Cheers! A & H

P.S. If you just can't deal...Open Table lists tons of restaurants that are serving Thanksgiving dinner.